By Gary Shteyngart

The first thing to do is bring up your nightstand. “Ah, yes, of course. He’s on my nightstand.” The second is to invent your own writer: “I haven’t read the new Murakami, but have you read the latest Kobayashi Maru?” Then pray your interlocutor hasn’t seen “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.” As relayed to Spencer Bailey

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